Oh, The Places You'll Go

There has just been way too much. I don't even know where to begin, what to continue with, and what to end with.

Again God is showing himself to be fully in control of my life.

I am so content and pleased to be in Aurora with amazing community. I have laughed so hard I cried, and cried so hard that I can't help but laugh. Jon's silly faces, Sarah's sweet kindness, Malka's beautiful heart, and my weird personality all combine to create a mesh of disciples. Talking about Jesus all the time, laughing at the craziest things, driving around, taking the train back from Chicago at 1 in the morning, participating in Shabbat, talking with Jr. and Sr. highers and volunteers, discussing spiritual warfare, laughing with new people who have deep stories of life, singing to John Foreman, meeting new friends and mentors, Billy Graham and J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, watching movies, staying up as late as possible, praying, living life together. This is what I want in my life. This is what Jesus wants in my life. God, let this be my life.

Oh those Jesus videos:

Jesus isn't a rock. You're all sinners. You have no hope. What in the name of me is going on here?
John, you know what you did. I just can't repeat it because I'm Jesus.

And my new love: Flight of the Conchords. Thank you Jon.

A kiss is not a contract.
Albie the racist dragon.


And so I recognize that you, God, are more powerful and wonderful and all-knowing than I could ever imagine. Which is crazy, because I imagine you very very much all those things. Thank you for your outpouring of love in my life and in the lives of those around me. Thank you for growth in hard places and growth in easy places. Thank you for kicking our butts to go into a higher gear so we can know what it truly means to be disciples. Thank you for the places we go: physically, emotionally, spiritually. And may we continue to seek your face in all circumstances. May it not be hidden, but waiting in expectation. God, you are more than we could ever even think of needing. Show us what that means. Reveal your glory and power to us. Give us the strength to follow your heart to wherever it leads us. Teach us. Grow us. Live powerfully within us. We look to you for our next steps.

And so it is...






Jamie

change of plans

Dinner with Hartong's

Betsy, Amasa and Megan

Beautiful Jamie

Jason drawing Jesus- this man is amazing...Jesus and Jason I mean... :)



In Geneva, a quaint downtown

an old radio station building turned costume shop






Umm, there have been some massive change of plans and I am pretty sure they are good and from Gd. yay! We're going to use Jon and Sarah's free stand by tickets to fly home on Saturday and when the Hanes come to southern CA, they'll drive out Jamie's car. Totally crazy. But totally perfect. We played a joke on Kim, having Jon say that we weren't going to leave until Saturday, therefore we couldn't help out VBS cause we wouldn't be in SD until monday or tuesday... all in love of course :)

Last night we had an amazing dinner community and prayer worship time with Betsy and Jason and their family and friends. Can I reiterate this enough: Gd has me and Jamie here for a specific purpose and that purpose is getting more and more clear and big.

Having an extra three days is proving to be exhausting, but awesome. Every day we have met and spent time with friends of the Hanes and every night we've been up between 2-4 am. I won't lie, they have become our good friends and sleep has become a secondary concern. Entering a new community with common faith is radical and freeing. Inside jokes, such Jon's spiritual skepticism, his obsession with Jamie's pillow involving feet and lightening being a representation of the Holy Spirit. And speaking of lightening, it is incredible here! I have never, ever seen the sky rain and sparkle as I have the last few nights.

We are all ADD and almost never have a conversation without interruption. But its home. It's family. It is soo good. I am not even exhausted when I know I should be! We are busy planning our days with laughter and food. Our goal of eating "in" has not succeeded here. But Jon's bread making abilities, Sarah's wine laugh and Jamie's OCD over feet has entertained us for this long- the Mexican food here is not bad, I should add. The thrift stores are equally amazing! And for myself, I keep talking about poop, and not meaning to at all. It's this weird thing, I think Jon put it well saying, "Malka's world revolves around her butt" ...probably a little too gross for some people (sorry Charlotte :).

I enjoy it. And I hope that our stories and our presence in this place is acceptable to the community. Apparently we've left good impressions. But who knows, we have few more days here... lol.
in love-
-Malka

family

This time is ridiculously fabulous.
I got to share with the Jr and Senior high youth about my Jewish Christian-ness and they asked a lot of hard and deep questions. We have also met and hit it off with the Hanes' mentors Betsy and Jason. They are my mentor Kim and her husband Jeremy, only in Chicago. It is nice to know their are Gdly and cool people across the U.S. On Friday night we made Shabbat dinner, including Challah, Koogle, and Matzah ball soup. It was incredible.

We have developed so many inside jokes, it is rather ridiculous.

We have not slept. And I mean- not slept. at all. Having quite an adventure to and from Chicago, seeing my brother-in-law Dan, and meeting the Hanes' friends and faith family is refreshing.


There is much stress about school stuff and super inconvenient for me that I am out of the state. Knowing the fault lies with me, is frustrating and that has definitely hindered some of my own time here and attitude.
But thankfully I am with "family" here and that is good in itself.

-Malka

Community

Wow. This trip has meant so much to me. Between John Foreman, junior and senior highers, new friends, and old mentors, this time in Chicago has been so refreshing and just...good. Even though there has been little to no sleep (seriously), that just means that we have spending more time in community, in silliness, and with our Creator. As our new friend David would say: "The more time you spend sleeping, the less time you spend living." Which I don't necessarily agree with. But on this trip that is so true.

I have seen God work in mighty ways in my time in Chicago. There have been some hard times all around, but we have had each other to wrestle with (figuratively and literally). I am so thankful for all the talks and laughs and cries and freak outs and scary faces and craziness and frustrations and community. I have been terribly missing my community back home, but this trip is so much what I need right now.

Jon and Sarah have showed me so much of Jesus. In the way we all interact, in their friends, in their giving and loving nature. They have just abundantly blessed us in our stay. I will be sad to leave. They are some of the sweetest, funniest, cutest, most fantastic people of God that I know. I have missed them greatly--even more than I thought I had. And I am so glad to be goofy with them. They are still so much the same as they always were, and yet have made improvements and grown so much in faith, community, and God.

On Shabbat, there was an amazing thunder and lightning storm. We shared the peace that comes with resting in God's power. The lightning was so amazing. The rain was so good. God's might was so readily known. And our time with each other was relevant and true and raw and beautiful. The silliness of Jon's face mixed with the amazing and freeing conversation was so unique and good. There were times of immense seriousness and times of just crazy giggling and laughter.

Father, thank you for all your peace and grace in the midst of difficult times and good times and how they mesh so much. Jesus, your power and saving presence is so much alive in me and in community. You are the ultimate saving hope. Holy Spirit, thank you for making your presence known. Enter into us as we journey with you. Your breath is in us, and you know our hearts. Turn us more and more into your people, into who you are. Teach us to love.

And so it is...




Jamie

Finally Out of the Car

I really, really wanted to see Buffalo. This was my first sighting!



God's creation. So beautiful.





After many, many adventures we finally made it to Chicago!

It has been such a blessing to see Jon and Sara and to spend quality time with them and even meet new people who are so inspired as well as junior highers seeking and growing and wrestling with this whole Jesus thing. What it means to live it out. Man. We all need that in different ways.

Mt. Rushmore was really really cool, but I wish that it had been bigger (like the size of the whole mountain--but there I go with my expectations again. Things almost never turn out the way we expect). It was still a really cool place to be, and I was bummed that we weren't able to go see the Crazy Horse national monument because it was kind of pricey. (If anyone wants the history of Crazy Horse, ask Malka. She is way better at history than I am.)

I am so happy to not be sleeping in my car anymore! That was (and still will be) a part of the journey and adventure, but oh man. I really am learning more about what discomfort is and I am even finding a newer connection and heart for the homeless and the poor who either live in their cars or on the street.

Prayer has been so good.

There have been so many struggles and things to face on this trip, and so many beautiful, life-giving things on this trip as well. God has shown himself to be in control.

So God, thank you for all the blessings and teachings and even hard times. Thank you for support and encouragement and comfort. You are everything good and perfect, and we recognize your power in every situation. May all that happens be for your glory.

And so it is...

Chicago!

We made it!!
I slept until noon today (Chicago time) and I feel so rested, spiritually and physically. I get to see emotional, pastoral fruit and make Shabbat dinner for our friends. I am sitting in a Starbucks and I feel so relieved. I just feel like we are where we are supposed to be. It's a good feeling.


Mt. Rushmore was a little smaller than I thought it would be. We couldn't see Crazy Horse and Custer because it was too expensive- but I remembered the whole story- go History!
After a really long day and 1/2 full of adventure, we made it to our friends, Sarah and Jon Hane. We had more phone calls of friends in need of serious prayer and the Hanes as well are going through a desperate situation.

The night before we got to our destination, we were in the middle of the worst storm I have ever experienced. It felt like Gd's wrath on the road. Then we had to fill the car with oil and met a drug dealer/coyote in Minn. Oy vey. We made it though, praise Gd!
The Hanes have blessed us, in just a day. They have opened their home, their mentors, their lives to us and I am so grateful. They have wisdom, and they have a good sense of humor. I just love them so much! I

So it is that Gd meets us in the lower and better moments of life.
I miss our people a lot. I miss having internet all the time. I miss the time when I didn't have bug bites all over my body. And I miss my bed.
But you know what, Gd is faithful and secure. And I know that I am home wherever I go because of the people I am with (Jamie and the Hanes and extended faith family) and I know that Gd is good.

-Malka

Thank you Charlotte

Charlotte gave Jamie and I two books to start reading on this trip:
Jamie- Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
Me- Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen

While Jamie was writing what is written below, I was finishing reading the first chapter. It is so good. It has taken me a while to get through just the first part: Nouwen writes richly and thoughtfully.

I have never before thought of "private" as a good thing. But Nouwen illustrates that while loneliness is dangerous when it is presented as a depressive and narcissistic attitude. It is solitude and mystery that should be encouraged in the Believing walk and taught by Jesus' life. He mentioned marraige, but I didn't really get that part. What touched me was that community is not defined by how much information we give to our friends and family. Rather, it is about what we don't give to them. There should still be a sense of ownership of our personal lives. Yes, sharing life is SUPER important, but so is solitude. Jesus was a brilliant example of this. The most personal things and teachings he gave were to His disciples, and even then, we don't know every single about our Gd-man and neither did His best friends. It is Jesus that we must offer all those secrets to.

I have such a hard time accepting this. I am overwhelmingly open with my life. Maybe, and as Jamie said earlier, this trip is to teach me about being "alone" with my "sister"- in the most sensitive and perfect way. I don't like to hide things. And this isn't about hiding things. It is about living in community with Gd and through that, sharing the commonalities, as well as differences with our faith family. This doesn't look like anything I know. So maybe instead of just talking and talking about my struggles, I should take it in my prayer life and know that He is above it and will guide me through them. Maybe this looks like, instead of defining myself as an open person, I should define myself as a sensitive person. Maybe I should keep my heart (the believing part) inside and my hands (the following part) out in the open. There are different purposes. And there are different roles.

Oy vey...I don't know if that makes any sense. I hope it does though. I hope I really believe it too.

I was inspired to write this poem about faith and community:

unknown beauty creates creative community,
forewarned are the young that age restricts maturity,
hesitation amidst services above Jesus is unworthy,
so prepare for the narrow road in perfection of this beauty

-Malka

Realizations

Old Faithful

Grandma in Vegas

I have realized that this trip isn't even mine. It is, but it totally isn't.

My heart hurts so bad right now in so many ways. Tragedy and sorrow and worry--yet intense beauty and conversation and trust. It is weird. I am learning that they can all be combined. Like in the darkest places there is still so much goodness that we don't even notice.

I mean, I have totally known that in my heart all along. But only recently have I been able to recognize it--truly recognize it. And put it to words.

And like how I totally burden myself when i should just be trusting God to take care of things--because I just can't do it.

There is just so much.


We have traveled through country that is so spectacular. There aren't even words for the feeling in my soul passing through Yellowstone and wide open fields and seeing sheep and knowing I'm eighteen and getting bit by mosquitoes and sleeping in the most uncomfortable positions and weeping and having cricks in my neck and talking about God in his entirety and praying and laughing and reading and hoping.


Life is so involved.


Reading Irresistible Revolution has been eye-opening and heart-changing. Sweet Charlotte I can't wait to dialogue with you about everything!


Thanks, God. For all the blessings. For the struggles. For the hope. For the sorrow. For truth and beauty and light and trust. Thank you for the realizations.

And so it is...

The Trees of the Field

We are a lot dirtier than we thought we would get.
There are less Starbucks than we thought there would be.
There are more Walmarts :( than we thought.
We have been hotter (Las Vegas) and colder (Yellowstone) than we thought we would be.

But we are laughing and praying just as much as we thought we would- which is so good.
We had quite an adventure in Salt Lake:
As Jamie was hearing over the phone that our friend's boyfriend died, a security gaurd came over to us to kick us out of our sleeping haven we had found. So we cried, and drove around the city, with no where to go. So we end up in IHOP. At 2 in the morning, who knew that the entire city was awake. This was the place to be, apparently. It was actually kind of weird. So we drove practically the whole night until we found a rest stop to sleep in.

We spent the next day in Yellowstone. Can I just say that it is phenomenal. It is so beautiful. It is so Gd-inhabited. It is just breathtaking. However, leaving the park during dark hours, with lightening every 40 seconds or so, was trying.


We made it to South Dakota- yay!

I have a ton of bug bites :( We've been taking a million pictures of the landscapes around us. I have felt so safe, emotionally and physically. Jamie is an amazing listener and we both have our wits about us- most of the time at least.

Our music has consisted of Tegan and Sara, Phil Wickham, The Shins, Jamie's playlists (I have compromised a lot, jk- well not really, but it is all good) an unhealthy amount of Sufjan Stevens and Partners in Rhyme.

I look forward to arriving to our friends and family in Illinois. But I suppose the journey is just as important! On this road- I am engulfed in love for the deer and sheep which we pass often. I am enveloped in mountains and trees. I can breathe easy. Amen, right!?

And so it is.

-Malka

Still Driving (And Getting Stuck, Too)

Zion and Bryce were so awe-inspiring. They truly captivate so much of God's unique craftsmanship of the earth. I guess I feel kind of guilty for polluting this earth I am supposed to be taking care of (after all, there is our stewardship of the earth to consider). But I also think about how God calls us to be in community and learn and develop and seek his face. I truly feel that we have already done so much of that in the past two days. Still, maybe next time I will bike across the country (haha).

It has been one of the most beautiful, peaceful days. And I have decided before we get home in a couple weeks to stop at a lake or river and swim in it. Like a random lake or river. Today was our first opportunity.

We approached this reservoir lake thing this afternoon a little ways after we left Bryce Canyon and thought that we should go check it out. Poor Hansel. He didn't even know what we were going to get him into. So we headed down to the lake, wondering if we could even swim in it (which it turns out that we could even though we never did). Anyway, we got Hansel closer to the beach to check it out, trekking over some sand, not too concerned because we saw other vehicles close to the water as well.

We decided that the water was too cold and looked kind of gross and slimy. So we got back into the car to leave. Obviously, the sand had other ideas. We reach this soft sand area and sink right in. I thought we might be able to power through it so I told Malka to rev it up and I would push (like I could be strong enough to actually help). Obviously, we aren't so experienced with car troubles. The car just sunk deeper and deeper. There wasn't really much else to do but get out. And take pictures, of course.

Well then we saw these two girls somewhat younger than us walking towards us from a couple of trucks along the beach near to us. We head over to them hoping to get some answers or help out of our predicament. They too us to their families (who were so sweet). The mothers (and baby) stood with us as we were stranded, and the fathers came out of the water to help us out of our rut (pun very much so intended).

After many exclamations of "Wow," and "He's really in deep," they helped us out of the sand, first trying to hook it to the front of Hansel and then going to the back. They attached it to their truck and pulled us right out of there. Oh my goodness. What a blessing those people were to us. It was so sweet of them to look out for us--to go out of their way to do so. God, please bring many blessings to their lives.

If these were just the first couple days, I can't wait for what is in store to come.

God, may your peace reign in our hearts. Help us to be patient and loving. Keep us calm and hoping in you. May our comfort be challenged (as it already has), and keep us forever seeking your face. You know our stresses and concerns--we give them to you and your all-encompassing love. Keep our bodies safe, yet I pray that we learn to question concepts and ideas that we once thought we were secure in. In all things make us more like you.

And so it is.

a day and a half in pictures

Noon time in the Desert

Sitting in a quaint diner in Utah. Jamie is sitting in front of me, sipping coffee, being beautiful.

Jamie said last night was rough. It was awful. And hilarious. I definitely got less than four hours of sleep, between the mormon crickets and the midnight workers in the Walmart parking lot (who knew?) it wasn't what I expected. I broke rule number one (if you recall, no expectations).

There were some really emotional moments yesterday, mostly reactions to songs which have distinct (sometimes beautiful, sometimes painful) memories tied with them. But being enveloped in the majesty of the desert was so okay. It is so okay.

Being reminded that I am really nothing, in the most healthy way of course. I am the small being that Gd named and loves. And I am part of a bigger picture, of longer conversations, landscape photos, and of a new Heaven on earth.

I am convinced that nothing can divide me from the love of Gd found through the incarnation of Himself as Yeshua to teach through life and death and resurrection of how to love.

Isn't that radical? As well as prayer and convicting times, Jamie and I have had some really funny haha moments: (fyi: Jamie is one of my favorite people to laugh with)

*A sign said, "Get your kicks by eating at Dick's" and I thought it read, "bring your kids to eat at Dick's"...
*I put a song by The New Pornographers and because of their name's negative conotation, I call them The New P's. Jamie definitely thought I said the Black Eyed Peas. They sound NOTHING alike and when we finally realized our miscommunication, we were in hysterics...
*There was a huge ant [enter my extreme phobia of ants, the insect (I just asked Jamie what ants were, reptiles? and she said, "no, Malka!" shaking her head)] Anyway, there was this ant, with wings!!! A flying ant! I jumped out of the car like I've never jumped out of a car...
*at the Walmart where spent the night, we walked inside to use the bathroom (don't worry, we didn't buy anything!) and we were standing outside the bathroom door discussing how this should work. Should Jamie go in and brush her teeth, while I wait outside. I thought it would be fine to use the same room- to toilet use and to brush teeth. She was kind of grossed out by that idea, and as it turns out the bathroom had stalls and separate sinks, so Jamie was comfortable and I was chill as well.
*One more Walmart story- at 1am everyone from the town was shopping!? We felt like we were on crazy pills. There was a 12 year old kid who was holding a bottle of wine, as well as a couple trying on shoes. What the heck!?


So as Jamie and I continue on our journey of adventures in a part of America we've never seen, as we heal from this last years circumstances, and as we sit in the presence of a solid friendship and a solid Gd, we are seeking peace and wisdom. We are seeking rest.

And we send a shout out to our friends and families: know that we are thinking of you and praying for sweetness in your lives. Much love.

And so it is...

-Malka

In the Beginning

Some amazing things have happened.

My car has now been named Hansel (he's so hot right now). Mostly because he was overheating for reals. I really hope he makes it across the country and back. Nevada was tough for the guy today. It was so hot...

It was so good to see Grandma, though. I'm really glad that we made the decision to visit her. I didn't really even think about it before we got there (because we changed our whole route of travel yesterday). But I am so happy that we decided to. I love Grandma.

I am really trying hard not to have any expectations—just take it one step at a time. It was a good first day—God let us have amazing days to come.

There was so much beauty in the desert today. I love all landscapes, and the desert is one that is near and dear to my heart. The different shapes of the dunes and the many cacti, the myriad of colors. Just space and shapes and distortion of time and heat. And yet somehow life. I love it.

The night in the car was rough, but I love it as part of the experience. Running on little to no sleep I seem to appreciate so much of who God is and the power he has.

Zion was so beautiful. Talking with Malka about creation and the comfort of knowing that our God is the God who made all these beautiful things. It's just so amazing. And now that we are past Nevada somewhat, it isn't so hot. The smell here reminds me of the all church retreat, and brings back some great memories while I make new ones. Sufjan Stevens will forever be linked with beautiful country.

And Charlotte and Kim, I can't wait to start those books! I just don't want to miss anything on the road, so I have hit a major dilemma--when will I have the time to read them? I promise to start them both, though. They seem life changing.

Thanks God for all your wonderful works. We are truly blessed by you. Keep us in your presence and under your wing. Open our eyes to your influence and majesty. In all ways may we bless your holy name. And so it is.

the night before the adventure begins...

Away We Go.

That is an excellent movie by the way. But, no. I am not pregnant, (movie spoiler ahead!) nor am I traveling to places like Canada with my boyfriend reminiscing over my dead parents.

Instead, Jamie and I are taking her white sedan, packing it with goldfish, clothes, toothbrushes, water and good music and hitting the road to Chicago. We have some family, but mostly friends. And we have very little money. A lot of heart. There are some nat'l monuments along the way...did I mention we have time? We have time to do whatever we want (just as long as we're back in SD for VBS...)

Jamie and I have had rough years each, and this summer- to experience America in different light. And to be alone, with each other, we can laugh and we can pray.

I have two motto's for traveling and they are:
never have expectations for the journey ahead.
always pack a dress, underwear and a hammer.

I hope we're going to take tons of pictures and try an keep in touch (depending on how many Starbucks there are along the way, for internet and coffee...oh corporations, oh compromise).

But for now it is sleep and excitement...

-Malka