Thank you Charlotte

Charlotte gave Jamie and I two books to start reading on this trip:
Jamie- Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
Me- Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen

While Jamie was writing what is written below, I was finishing reading the first chapter. It is so good. It has taken me a while to get through just the first part: Nouwen writes richly and thoughtfully.

I have never before thought of "private" as a good thing. But Nouwen illustrates that while loneliness is dangerous when it is presented as a depressive and narcissistic attitude. It is solitude and mystery that should be encouraged in the Believing walk and taught by Jesus' life. He mentioned marraige, but I didn't really get that part. What touched me was that community is not defined by how much information we give to our friends and family. Rather, it is about what we don't give to them. There should still be a sense of ownership of our personal lives. Yes, sharing life is SUPER important, but so is solitude. Jesus was a brilliant example of this. The most personal things and teachings he gave were to His disciples, and even then, we don't know every single about our Gd-man and neither did His best friends. It is Jesus that we must offer all those secrets to.

I have such a hard time accepting this. I am overwhelmingly open with my life. Maybe, and as Jamie said earlier, this trip is to teach me about being "alone" with my "sister"- in the most sensitive and perfect way. I don't like to hide things. And this isn't about hiding things. It is about living in community with Gd and through that, sharing the commonalities, as well as differences with our faith family. This doesn't look like anything I know. So maybe instead of just talking and talking about my struggles, I should take it in my prayer life and know that He is above it and will guide me through them. Maybe this looks like, instead of defining myself as an open person, I should define myself as a sensitive person. Maybe I should keep my heart (the believing part) inside and my hands (the following part) out in the open. There are different purposes. And there are different roles.

Oy vey...I don't know if that makes any sense. I hope it does though. I hope I really believe it too.

I was inspired to write this poem about faith and community:

unknown beauty creates creative community,
forewarned are the young that age restricts maturity,
hesitation amidst services above Jesus is unworthy,
so prepare for the narrow road in perfection of this beauty

-Malka